User blog:Da Nerd/Vacation S1E3: Karberht Residence
Karberht Residence is episode 3 of season 1 of the blog series Vacation. Summary The gang get ready to move their expirement headquarters to Karberht Residence. Transcript *''The gang is in Pellville Hotel's dining area.'' *'Da Nerd:' Ugh, when are they gonna bring our food? *'Simon:' I dunno. Online it said it shouldn't take more than 10 minutes. *'Da Nerd:' It's been 15! *'Toph:' Well, they're probably finishing up right now. *''A waiter comes by with a cart with many platters on it.'' *'Da Nerd:' Finally! *'Waiter:' Excuse me. *''The waiter keeps moving, and brings the food to a different table.'' *'Da Nerd:' Ughhh. *''Da Nerd gets out his phone and goes on Facebook, scrolling through his newsfeed. After a while of silence (excluding plate/silverware clattering, people eating and light converse from other people) Da Nerd bursts out in laughter.'' *'Suds:' Uh... *'Toph:' What's so funny? *'Da Nerd:' Oh, nothing, it's just this picture on Facebook. *'Toph:' Can I see? *''Da Nerd holds his phone up to where Toph can see it, who bursts out in laughter as well.'' *'Ponyo:' Guys, shh. *'Tanner:' Yeah. *'Da Nerd:' auuuh Sorry. *''A waiter and a waitress come to their table.'' *'Da Nerd:' Oh, here we go. *''Helping each other out, the waiter and waitress hand food to each of them.' They start to walk away.'' *'''Da Nerd: Wait! *'Waiter:' Yes, sir? *''Da Nerd opens up his bacon cheeseburger to reveal the cheese.'' *'Da Nerd:' I asked for one with no cheese. *'Waiter:' Oh, we're terribly sorry, sir. *''The waiter takes Da Nerd's entire platter and walks into the kitchen. The rest begin eating.'' *'Simon:' Oh God. *'Suds:' This tastes horrible! *'Toph:' up unidentified object What is this? *''Toph drops it back down in an empty space on his platter.'' *'Da Nerd:' Oh God I'm so hungry. *'Desu:' Here, you can have some of my chicken. I don't really want that much. *'Da Nerd:' Thanks. *''Da Nerd pokes his fork into one of Desu's chicken and eats it. A few moments later, the same waiter that had provided service earlier returns with another platter. He hands it to Da Nerd.'' *''Da Nerd checks the burger again, and this time there is no cheese.'' *'Da Nerd:' Thanks. *'Waiter:' No problem. *''The waiter returns to the kitchen.'' *''Da Nerd takes a bite out of his burger.'' *'Da Nerd:' Ooh, this is actually pretty go-- *''Da Nerd begins to choke. Desu comes behind him and gets him to spit it out. It lands right on Toph's salad.'' *'Toph:' That's okay, I wasn't gonna eat this anyways. *'Da Nerd:' I'm not gonna eat any more of this, either. I wanna be alive when we do this expirement. *'Desu:' I had a late lunch; I'm kinda full. You can have the rest of my chicken. *'Da Nerd:' Thank you so much, I'm starving. *''Desu slides over her platter to Da Nerd, who begins eating the chicken on it.'' *''to later'' *''Everyone is now done eating. The waiter comes back with a black leather folder. He sets it in the middle of the table.'' *'Waiter:' Do you want any dessert? *'Toph:' No thanks. *'Da Nerd:' I'll pass. *'Desu:' I'm full. *'Ponyo:' Meh. *'Tanner:' Nah. *'Simon:' Well... *'Suds:' Simon. *'Simon:' No. *'Suds:' No. *'Waiter:' Alright. Also, we do not accept checks. *''Everyone slightly "aw"s. The waiter leaves.'' *'Ponyo:' I've only got $15 on me. Everyone's gonna have to pitch in. *'Tanner:' I got 10. *'Suds:' Eh... 73 cents. *'Simon:' $1.97. *'Da Nerd:' All I got is a 20. *'Desu:' I've got 5. *'Toph:' I'm broke. *''Ponyo begins counting.'' *'Ponyo:' That's 52.70. We're still $1.55 short. *''Everyone begins rustling in their pockets.'' *'Da Nerd:' Oh, I found a dollar coin. *'Ponyo:' Anyone got 55 cents? *'Tanner:' I have some emergency money taped to my dick. *'Ponyo:' Oh yeah, that's right. Well get it out! *''Tanner reaches into his pants and there is audible ripping.'' *'Tanner:' Oh shit. *'Ponyo:' Doesn't matter right now. *'Tanner:' breathless Doesn't mat--ugh, whatever. *''Tanner pulls out a dollar bill and sets it in the middle of the table.'' *'Ponyo:' Okay, Suds, you take back 18 cents. *'Suds:' Yay. *''Suds takes back 18 cents.'' *'Ponyo:' Actually, never mind. *'Suds:' Aw. *''Suds puts back the 18 cents.'' *'Ponyo:' That'll be our tip. Okay, let's go. *''The gang head up the stairs back to the residence area. They check back into their room. Everything that they owned is now missing.'' *'Da Nerd:' Aw, SHIT! *'Toph:' Everything's gone! *'Desu:' WAIT. *''Desu runs into her and Da Nerd's room. She looks around and finds that her 297 pictures of her spamming is still there. She takes the photo book and kisses it. She then runs back to the gang.'' *'Desu:' Alright, we're okay. My photo book is still there. *'Da Nerd:' Okay, what about everything else? *''Da Nerd goes into the "living room".'' *'Da Nerd:' Even the TV is missing! That wasn't even ours! *'Ponyo:' So now that makes it obvious that whoever did it had no form of grudge against us. *'Da Nerd:' Right. *'Ponyo:' I was... sarcasm... never mind. *'Toph:' We've barely got any money on us. How are we gonna replace anything? *'Da Nerd:' If this place isn't as shit as we though it was, they probably have at least a few security cameras. *''They step out into the hall and find a security camera facing right at their door.'' *'Da Nerd:' Yep. *'Ponyo:' Okay, well let's just ask the hotel staff. *''Da Nerd, Desu and Ponyo walk to the door labeled "PELLVILLE HOTEL STAFF SERVICES". They knock on the door, and a well overweight man wearing a Pellville Hotel uniform comes out.'' *'Man:' Yes? *'Da Nerd:' Can we see your security tapes from 6:30 - 8:00? We just got robbed. *'Man:' Sure. *''They step into the room and see that there is a wall of live security camera footage aligned in grids, with a label on the screen on each of them providing the security camera number.'' *'Da Nerd:' We're from the room right down the hall. *'Man:' Okay, that would be security camera 003K. *''The man looks back behind the wall of footage and eventually returns holding a tape.'' *'Man:' Got it. *''The man inserts the tape into a nearby TV. He then fast forwards to 6:32 PM, leaving it at 8x speed. A figure appears and the man pauses.'' *'Man:' This isn't any of you? *'Da Nerd:' That looks like Toph. *'Ponyo:' Yeah, remember? He had to get his sunglasses. *'Da Nerd:' Oh yeah. *''The man plays it again, still at 8x speed, and a group of people soon appears. The man pauses it again.'' *'Man:' And this isn't any of you? *'Da Nerd:' Nope. *''The man plays it at normal speed. The group is shown breaking down the door and running inside the room. They then eventually return, carrying many items.'' *'Ponyo:' That's my laptop! *'Da Nerd:' My Nook! *'Desu:' My vibrator! *'Man:' Well, those are your guys. *'Da Nerd:' Can you see where they took our stuff? *'Man:' Yeah, we have a parking lot security camera. *''The man goes back to behind the wall of footage. He returns shortly after holding another tape. He ejects the previous tape from the TV and inserts the parking lot footage one. He then does the same routine of fast forwarding it, then playing it at 8x speed. They are shown tossing items into a dumpster, then speeding away in their car.'' *'Man:' Garbage truck comes in 5 minutes. You'd better hurry. *''Da Nerd jumps out of the window and lands directly on the dumpster, cushioned by the pile of trash. Unable to catch himself and get back up, he doesn't notice the garbage truck coming and picking up the dumpster. Da Nerd is tossed in along with the rest of the trash. Now aware, he gets as many things as he can and tosses them on a mattress on the ground. He then lifts himself up and jumps down to the mattress as well.'' *'Da Nerd:' I got them! *'Desu:' Cool. Bring them up! *'Da Nerd:' Okay! *''Da Nerd carries the mattress into the building, and takes the elevator to go up to the residential area. He is greeted by Ponyo and Desu, who help him carry the mattress into their room.'' *'Toph:' You got our stuff back! *'Ponyo:' Wasn't that hard. *'Da Nerd:' Easy for you to say. *'Toph;' Okay, well Karberht offices close in 23 minutes. We have to hurry. *'Da Nerd:' Okay guys, put all your shit into one of these two bags. It doesn't matter which one. *''Everyone obeys, while Da Nerd goes into his room and takes his stuff that he left on the dresser and chair. He puts them into his own bag. He forgets the notepad and runs back into the living room.'' *'Da Nerd:' Okay, are we ready yet? *'Toph:' Almost. *''They finish throwing stuff into the bag. Ponyo carries one bag while Desu carries the other. They rush out of the room, Da Nerd being the last and grabbing his keys off the wall. They run down to their own cars and begin to drive to Karberht Residence.'' *''When they get there, they bring all of their stuff in. Desu goes up to the desk to check them in, while they rest on the benches there.'' *'Desu:' gesturing ''Come on. *''The gang obey and Desu, holding the key, leads the gang to their new room. They can tell right away that it has much more quality than Pellville Hotel did. They begin unpacking and moving into their own rooms. Da Nerd and Desu get their own room again, as do Tanner and Ponyo. Toph gets a room to himself, while Simon and Suds unpack in the remaining room. Simon begins checking each room to see if they have an extra bed. Tanner and Ponyo's room is the only one that fit the criteria. *'Simon:' Hey, can I have that extra bed? You're probably gonna be sleeping together for the next 6 months anyways. *'Tanner:' Oh, I thought you were gonna do the same with Suds. *''Tanner and Ponyo laugh, but the laughter almost instantly subsides.'' *'Ponyo:' Here, take it. *'Simon:' Kay. *''Simon takes the bed and slides it into his and Suds' room. He jumps on his bed and turns on the TV, which they find has 119 different channels and an on-screen guide.'' *'Both:' Whoooaa. *''They turn it to Nickelodeon, and Full House is on. They switch it to the west feed, which has SpongeBob. They keep it at that channel. Meanwhile, Desu convinces Da Nerd into watching (and paying for) a pay-per-view anime show. Tanner and Ponyo fap to Animaniacs. The scene fades out, zooming away from the roof of the hotel.'' *''ends'' Category:Blog posts Category:Episodes Category:Vacation (series)